walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
