I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
