I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
