Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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