I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
