i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
