pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
