her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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