its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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