my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
