well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
