I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
