So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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