I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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