do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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