My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
soo... how was my night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
