I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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