I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
