The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
