I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
