I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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