allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
