i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
