he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
