Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
