so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dear god my vagina.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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