Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
