you guys were way drunker than both of me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
