I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
