i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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