Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
