arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
