Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
