It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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