I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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