You made me cry and you don't even care
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
