So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
