mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
