When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
