He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
