I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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