My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had to cum in my sink.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
