My balls are so social today.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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