You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
