what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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