I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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