I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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