wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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