when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's Friday. Sex?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
