Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
