i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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