Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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