that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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