all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
