bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
