nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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