Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
