ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
