Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
