definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
