he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The best revenge is premature balding
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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