if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
