Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i will never coherently bang her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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