did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
