My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
