No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I love you.
Bad choice
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
