two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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