we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
