Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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