I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
