and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize