He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
