That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
