just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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